Well darlings, it’s officially one month until xmas and if you know me, you know that I’m absolutely, insanely amused by wacky xmas songs. So strap in, I’ll try my best to not assault you more than once a day. And do remember that I also have a shit-ton load of albums to get through before I make my year-end list of favorite records of 2009. We’ll mix it up and you’ll easily be able to shield your ears and eyes from the xmas garbage that I call fun, don’t fret! No, I don’t do it for the hit count, tho it does draw people in because really, who doesn’t love a filthy xmas jingle? And yes, I happily steal them from all the dark corners of the ‘net. I’ll give you buy links in return, whenever I can, I promise. So spank me if you disapprove, it’s the only time of year when I really do misbehave

What to start with? Shall we get the most heinous one out of the way? This is NOT SAFE FOR WORK… DO NOT PUT YOUR SPEAKERS ON IN MIXED COMPANY… maybe not in any company, honestly.

Rudolph The Deep Throat Reindeer mp3 (it’s a joke people, have a laugh, eh?)

Yes, “Rudolph The Deepthroat Reindeer” is everything that is wrong with America. It’s disgusting, homophobic, childish, stereotypically anti-sex, gross, offensive, and cringe-worthy. But there’s throngs of people who seriously need to hear this song every year. I admit that I have a sick, unexplainable desire to listen to it, even as I screw up my face and actually blush in mortified embarrassment at the ridiculously horrible lyrics. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. But hey, let’s get the worst out of our systems now so we can move on to the barking dogs, mewing cats, squealing little girls and oh… the chipmunks! Thankfully you cannot buy this album anymore. Let’s pray they don’t shut me down for even posting this crap.

….. still with me? …….ok, so we need some happy, calm-the-fuck-down music now, right?!? deeeeep breath darlings.

Happy Fucking Holidays mp3 by Starfucker (if you can figure out where to buy this, let me know) they’ve changed their name to Pyramidd now. Go buy one of their albums, they’re a fantastic band! And Rough Trade has a lovely 7″ single, “Medicine” to purchase in white vinyl here. Do it. (you can stream it there too.)

This last track is actually brilliant. It’s electronic, interesting, and lyrically surprising but not horribly offensive. I can imagine playing this one to someone’s parents. OK maybe not to my family but to a family that isn’t so uptight and has a sense of wry humor that I imagine normal people having. I like it, I hope you do to, Pyramidd is going in all sorts of cool directions this year, good on them! Let me know how this goes down and forgive me for the other, eh? It gets much better from here on out, I swear. xoxo

If you’re a musician and have a xmas song, especially a naughty one, send it to me! There’s a drop box over on the left for your convenience. I’d love to include it in my annual xmas celebration here on the Shack!

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